A drop of Absinthe makes the fairies spin
by demongirl
Summary: Yet another spell goes wrong in Sunnydale - except this one was mixed with Absinthe. The result is a cross-dressing Spike, a Monty Python singing Giles, a giggly Slayer and much more. B/S eventually. Early Season Six - Slight Angel Crossover
1. Bunnies and Makeup

Disclaimer: Buffy, Spike, and all BtVS characters belong to Joss & Co. (Unfortunately) They're not mine, although I wish they were.  
  
Spoilers: Early / General Season 6 – Giles hasn't left yet, Willow and Tara are still together, Buffy and Spike are kind of "involved"  
  
Summary: Basically, this is what you get when yet another spell goes wrong and spike and somebody get very wasted on Absinthe (a green liquor that's illegal in most countries). A little wacky at times, but hopefully fun. Some characters of Angel included. (although Connor doesn't exist)  
  
Author's note: This was definitely one of those stories that got started late at night. The opening little "song" (Hoppini Skippini…) is a little bit of insanity borrowed from the play, "The Foreigner." It's mostly nonsense, and gets explained later on. Oh, yeah – Review if you want more. ;)  
  
  
  
"Hoppini Skippini, hoppini skippini  
  
Grozny, grozny, grozny  
  
hoppini skippini, hoppini skippini  
  
grozny, grozny, grozny  
  
hoppini skippini  
  
grozny, grozny,  
  
hoppini skippini –"  
  
"Aaahhh! Spike! Wh…what are you doing? What's that…that bunny thing?" Anya frightenedly cried, her fingers mimicking Spike's 'hoppini skippini' actions.  
  
"What? Oh, this…this is just me lil' story here about a cute little slayer that goes hopping through the graveyard – see, hoppini skippini, hoppini skippini – and the Big Bad vampire that comes out chase her – grozny, grozny, grozny. Nothing to worry yourself about."  
  
"Oh, that's alright then. It just looked like that horrid little bunny fufu to me."  
  
"Now, demon girl, do I look like the kind of nasty that would sing scary children's songs about bunnies," Spike asked, giving Anya his best sad little puppy dog face with a little pout for dramatic effect.  
  
"No, of course not. Very well, then. Spike, you may go back to telling your story. Dawn, listen well, Spike is your elder," she said as she closed the door to Dawn's bedroom.  
  
"Way to handle Anya there, Spike," Dawn said as soon as she was sure Anya was gone.  
  
"No need to have gotten worried, platelet. Old Spikey's got it all under control… 'On top of Old Spikey, all covered with dust, I found our dear slayer-'"  
  
"EWWW! SPIKE! I so do not need to hear that. Can we say too much information? Just go back to the story Spike."  
  
"Ok, ok, niblet… sheesh, don't get your knickers into a twist. Oh, so what do you think for the toes – bubblegum bonanza or sultry vixen?"  
  
"Definitely bubblegum bonanza, Spike. It's so you!" Dawn responded, not believing that the Big Bad himself was sitting on her bedroom floor wearing one of Willow's flowy skirts and letting her paint his toenails.  
  
"You sure about that, lil' bit? I thought I was more of the vixen type."  
  
"No, no.. definitely bubblegum bonanza – it goes better with your eyes."  
  
"Well, I leave myself in your capable hands."  
  
"Hey Spike," Dawn cajoled, trying to see just how much she could get out of the Master Vampire, "what do you say I make your hair look pretty and do your makeup as well."  
  
"Well, ok, but, but only if Spikey here gets to play with Mr. Gordo."  
  
"Umm, I don't know if Buffy will like that…"  
  
"Please, pretty please… with hot cocoa and marshmallows on top? Spikey be good and let Dawnie do his hair and make Spikey look all pretty," Spike pleaded, pouting his lip and looking like he was about to cry.  
  
"Oh, ok," Dawn responded, not being able to resist the vampire, "but no getting nail polish on Mr. Gordo, got that?"  
  
"No makeup on Mr. Gordo. Spikey keep Mr. Gordo away from makeup."  
  
"That's a good vampire, Spikey. Just stay right here and don't mess up the nail polish while I go and get Mr. Gordo," she said as she quickly slipped out of her room and into Buffy's to get the little stuffed pig. 


	2. LA Arrival

**Disclaimer:** Buffy, Spike, and all BtVS  characters belong to Joss & Co. (Unfortunately)  they're not mine, although I wish they were.

**Spoilers:** Early / General  Season 6 – Giles hasn't left yet, Willow and Tara are still together, Buffy and Spike are kind of "involved"

**Author's Note: **Sorry it took so long to update… 

Hoppinni Skippinni 

The younger Summers returned after retrieving Buffy's well-loved stuffed pig, knowing she would incur Buffy's wrath if her sister would find out.  Buffy was always touchy about Dawn borrowing her stuff.  Buffy was also touchy about Spike, the Big Bad himself.  But Spike was currently wearing drag and acting like a prepubescent teenage girl on her bedroom floor, so maybe whatever had affected him had affected her sister as well. Or maybe she'd at least be too distracted by Spike to notice Mr. Gordo. She snatched the Polaroid camera along with the stuffed pig and plotted just how merciless to be with her favorite vampire. She tossed the pig to Spike, who immediately went back to his childish antics.

            While Spike continued to sing various children's songs, Dawn worked intensely on his hair and makeup.  When she thought she was done, she took a step back to admire the work and burst out laughing. Damn, she was good.  He now looked liked something out of a bad 80s movie.  At the laughter, Spike picked his head up.

            "Dawnie… Why Dawnie laughing at Spikey? Spikey no look pretty?"

            "No, no, Spike, you look good. Really, really good. So good I need to get a picture.  Now hold Mr. Gordo up and smile for me.  Will you do that for me?  That's it.  Now, say 'bleed'."

            "BLEED!" the vampire said as he smiled, completely oblivious to the hilarious picture he made.  As his acute hearing picked up the sound of the front door opening, the jumped up.   
            "DAWNIEEEE!!!! We've got company! Come on, we have to go see the people!" Spike squealed as he dragged a stumbling Dawn out of the bedroom and headed down the stairs. When he reached the top of the stairs, he stopped, finally giving Dawn a second to catch her breath. 

            Dawn looked down to see Buffy standing at the front door with Giles as the rest of the scoobies settled themselves down on the couch.  She had completely forgotten about this Scooby reunion, supposedly Angel and the L.A. crew was coming down as well. She shook her head, trying to figure out who had been crazy enough to organize this meeting and actually think it would work.

            "I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day!" Spike sang loudly as he flounced out and slid down the banister. Jumping off at the bottom, skirt flying, he was oblivious to the snickers and gasps as he threw his arms around Giles. "Ripper! Good to see you mate! Join me for a verse, will you?"  
            The rest of the room observed this with varying degrees of shock as Dawn came down the stairs with the Polaroid camera. Xander was sitting on the couch, mouth wide open with Anya half in his lap. Tara was smiling, Willow was staring and Buffy still stood at the door with her mouth agape.   
            "Spike? Giles?" Buffy asked with a hint of concern in her voice before turning to the rest of the Scoobies. "Okay, am I seeing things or did William the Bloody just slide down my banister dressed in drag and singing something horrible and throw his arms around Giles who is now… oh gods, the world is ending… Giles is drinking with Spike?"  
            "Are they naked yet?"  
            "ANYA!" Xander cried in horror. "Bad mental image there. Major wiggins here though. I'm right with you on the apocalypse theory, Buff."  
            "I think it's cute," Tara said quietly. "British male bonding."

            "Bonding?!" Buffy cried out. "Spike is flirting and drinking with Giles! Need I mention he's wearing a skirt?!"

            "Maybe he's gay," Willow offered.   
            "Spike? Gay? Now there's an image I don't need," Xander said, shuddering.   
            "Spike's not gay! He sha- er, he's Spike! The Big Bad and all. Leather, chains, candles, definitely not gay!" Buffy said, blushing slightly and hoping the gang didn't catch on to her inside information. 

            "Gay men wear leather!" Anya piped up. 

            "Okay, enough with the gay! Sorry, Will," Buffy said, trying to take charge and get the image of Spike in leather pants out of her head. "We have a situation here. Something or someone has done something to make Spike go all wacky and somehow it's infected Giles. We need to figure out what's happening before things get any-"

            At that that moment, Spike and Giles staggered out, drinking god knows what and singing loudly as they swaggered across the room. "I wish I was a girly! Just like my dear papa!"

 "PEACHES!" Spike cried as Angel walked through the door, running past all the scoobies and jumping onto Angel, wrapping his legs around Angel's waist and throwing his arms around Angel's neck. "How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages, pops. Still keeping up with the nancy boy hair gel I see."

The scoobies could do nothing but stare as Spike prattled on to Angel and Cordelia walked in, "Excuse me, what is going on here? Angel, why aren't you-?"

There was a moment of silence as everyone stared at Angel and Spike, who were now kissing.   
            "ANGEL!" Cordy screamed. "Angel! What the hell is going on? Why are you kissing Spike?"  
            "Oh Cordelia, honestly, it's perfectly acceptable for two men to find each other attractive. After all, this is the twenty-first century we're living in. Isn't that right, Wes?" Angel said as he pulled back slightly to look at his Childe who was grinning like an idiot. "Wes, go get some of whatever Giles and Spike are drinking."  
            "Angel," Buffy said, pulling his sleeve. "I really don't think that's such a good idea. Why don't you just… just put Spike down and have a seat so we can figure out what's causing this. It's obviously a spell or a demon or-"

"Or a bloody good time. Peaches, tell Slutty to sod off… she's ruining the mood," Spike asked Angel with his best puppy dog eyes. 

"Buffy," Angel began, pausing as Spike's legs ran along his thighs. "Why don't you guys just leave us alone to figure this out."

            Without waiting for a reply, he walked off towards the dining room where Wesley was already joining Giles for a drink and locked the door behind him. 

            "Okay," Cordelia said as she glanced around the room at the Scoobies, with Fred and Gunn standing behind her. "Can someone explain what just happened and why Mr. Dark and Broody was kissing Spike?"

            They exchanged glances of horror and worry as a loud and randy version of "What do you do with a drunken Slayer?" filled the room.

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**Author's note: **Well, that's all for now kids. More to come, more  to come…


End file.
